So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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