Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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