Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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