No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
