Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
