the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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