i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
