i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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