went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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