So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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