If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
