On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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