Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
