so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm jealous of your bromance
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
why do cheetos always look like penises
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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