i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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