Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
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4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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