from now on my penis is your penis
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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