Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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