need another drink. this is the easiest way
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
