Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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