And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
