I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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