I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
