haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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