does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
