just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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