dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
