guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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