in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
