If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
