what day is it and did you see me today?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
