Whod you bang
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He passed out mid-signature
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
