How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
