Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My ass is underappreciated
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
