A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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