I bet he comes in French.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
