If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
