Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
