Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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