Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
