so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
