did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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