i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
