Fuck appropriateness.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
COCAINE IS GR8
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
