Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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