When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
