He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
don't judge my taste in strippers
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
