Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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