You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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