you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
