i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My bed smells like the plague
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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