I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
