She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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