The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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