she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Oh god it's open bar.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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