Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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