This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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