first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
