He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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