dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
