At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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