Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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