I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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