Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
