he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
