She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Ketchup is God's man juice
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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