so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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