My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
