shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
