I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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